I've been remiss in keeping this blog current due to my never-ending bouts of depression, so it's fitting that my first post after a hiatus is about Mental Illness. I was inspired to discuss this issue specifically because of glaring defects in Donald Trump's character which suggest he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), discussed below.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional and carry no medical license. My comments about Trump are not a diagnosis. This is all just an educated guess given his words, his behavior, and his personality.
I'll put it right out there and risk being vulnerable. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally disabled. I suffer from debilitating depression to the point where I battle suicidal ideation. I often have the "what's the point in living" talk with myself. The thing that keeps me from ending my life is my wonderful dog. Without her, I wouldn't be able to function.
I have Major Depressive Disorder and Persistent Depressive Disorder. This means my depression is not situational. Even when things are going well in my life (which is rare), I'm still depressed. Chronically.
The condition is not seasonal. While some people living in the Pacific Northwest have what's known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, where dark gloomy months affect their mood, I don't have that. I lived in Southern California for 26 years where it's sunny most of the time, and was still battling depression all the time.
Also, my depression does not magically go away with therapy or medication. I've tried pretty much everything that's out there. My psychiatrist and I have even tried "cocktails" mixing two different medicines to see if it boosts me somehow. The SSRI's have included generic versions of Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Oleptro, and even Prozac. Whether I suffered from bad side effects or no effects at all, nothing's worked.
Recently we tried the newest med on the market, Trintellix, but I had negative side effects within days -- rash, itching, instant weight gain, and it put me into a darker place than I was without it. So I'm back on Wellbutrin SR 150mg. It doesn't really lift me up, but at least I'm not in what I call "the basement."
Depression is something I have struggled with since childhood and it will plague me for the rest of my life. For most people, their "lows" are my normal. My "highs" are their normal.
It's also come to light that I have Complex PTSD, thanks to being abused by mother for my entire childhood, teen years, and even into adulthood. It's characterized by experiencing chronic victimization and total control by another for a prolonged period (months to years).
I also have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Symptoms include severe insomnia, along with feeling as though I've been hit by a truck. (Not that I know what being hit by a truck feels like, but I can imagine.) I have massive chronic body pain and fatigue. This makes me more depressed. And as I'm depressed, I'm sedentary, causing an endless cycle of sadness, pain, and fatigue. As if that weren't enough to battle daily, I suffer from a litany of other physical health problems, which I will refrain from documenting as they are not relevant here but, believe me, they are often debilitating and hinder day-to-day functioning.
This blog post was prompted by a comment I saw on social media about Donald Trump. Some people are confusing two different personality disorders: BPD (Borderline) vs NPD (Narcissistic).
Saying that Trump has BPD does a tremendous disservice to those who actually have BPD. The label is thrown around because of the unfortunate word "borderline." The origin of BPD is that people with it were seen as being on the "borderline" between neurosis and psychosis. That label is undergoing revision in order to more properly address its symptoms.
People with BPD are misunderstood because people misuse the term. I saw an episode of "Criminal Minds" in which the writers irresponsibly and incorrectly labeled a serial killer character as having BPD, thereby perpetuating misconceptions about the illness.
Signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder may include:
- Intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
- Pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
- Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
- Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
- Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
Females are diagnosed about three times as often as males. People with BPD have abandonment issues and tend to come from highly abusive childhoods. There is instability in relationships and employment, and those with it have a hard time regulating their emotions.
"Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by unstable relationships with other people, unstable sense of self, and unstable emotions. There is often an extreme fear of abandonment, frequent dangerous behavior, a feeling of emptiness, and self-harm. Symptoms may be brought on by seemingly normal events. The behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a variety of situations. Substance abuse, depression, and eating disorders are commonly associated with BPD. About 10% of those with BPD die by suicide."
"In Marsha Linehan's view, the sensitivity, intensity, and duration with which people with BPD feel emotions have both positive and negative effects. People with BPD are often exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving. However, they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions ("anxiety, depression, guilt/shame, worry, anger, etc."), experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness."
Now, when you read the above, do you think of Donald Trump? Of course not! That is why I was dismayed to see screenwriter Callie Khouri on Twitter saying that Trump has BPD. If one were to make an armchair diagnosis of Trump, it is more likely to be Narcissistic Personality Disorder, since he has all of the markers.
- Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
- Exaggerating your achievements and talents
- Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
- Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
- Requiring constant admiration
- Having a sense of entitlement
- Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
- Taking advantage of others to get what you want
- Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
- Being envious of others and believing others envy you
- Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
Now that sounds like Donald Trump, doesn't it?
It's important we remove the stigma of "mental illness" and "personality disorders." Whether someone has a chemical imbalance, or their "wiring" is frayed due to circumstances beyond their control (e.g. abusive histories), they have an illness that is just as real and valid as any physical challenge. If you have a physical illness such as diabetes, people don't judge or reject you. But if you have a mental illness, you're treated like a pariah.
People with mental illnesses need compassion, understanding, and acceptance. While some celebrities have gone very public with their mental health stories, such as Demi Lovato and Carrie Fisher and Richard Dreyfuss with bipolar disorder, there are millions out there suffering in silence, afraid of being judged, ridiculed, and rejected.
So... Be kind to others. It costs nothing.
